Griffin just started his first, and hopefully last, ADHD medication (Vyvanse) today and a good friend of mine told me that I should journal about my observations and the process so here it goes!
Mixed feelings. That is where I stand on Day 1. The most overwhelming feeling is of course, guilt. Even though I know this is best for him it is still so hard not to wonder if medication will somehow change my amazingly bright and spirited baby in a way that isn’t good for him. I never thought we’d be here and if you had asked me if medication was an option a year ago I would have responded with an emphatic NO!
So here we are, and I feel huge amounts of guilt but I also feel a little ounce of hope. The hope comes from the amazing supportive friends and family that I have but most importantly it comes from Griffin. He is of course aware that he is now taking this pill. The adults in his life hope the pill will help him focus better, keep still when he needs to concentrate in school, and have the ability to control his verbal tics. For Griffin it is more simple than that.
While he was showering tonight he told me that the pill he is taking now will help him get 14 happy faces (that’s a perfect score) on his behavior chart at school. He usually comes home with 9 to 11 faces and his goal is 9 for a treasure each day. But to him this pill will help him get all 14 smileys. I of course explained to him that, pill or not, we think he is a great kid and the new pill will only help him focus on his goals a little better. I also explained that we’d still be using our chore chart and giving him stars and such. He interrupted and said, “mommy I want to do the stars forever” which led me into a funny conversation about him having his future wife give him stars for listening. If only he know that’s pretty much how marriage works right? Lol!
The point is, Griffin sees this as an opportunity and that gives me hope. He gives me hope and that helps with the guilt.
As for physical symptoms he did complain of tummy issues this morning but still ate like normal all day. One thing I noticed tonight is that he was way more cuddly with me than normal. He actually asked to hold my hand. I doubt this has anything to do with the medication but maybe it’s because we are openly discussing his ADHD and the medication with him? I’d like to think it makes him feel closer to me…