The Weekend

Well Griffin is back with his daddy this week but I want to reflect on our first weekend with medication. We weren’t sure if we would have him on the medication on weekends but because his side effects went away and the doctor recommended keeping him on them due to his young age we kept him on them.

The results were incredible. He cleaned his room with zero argument and actually did a great job. He even was semi-organized about it. During all of our weekend activities he was extra helpful and attentive. It was such a pleasure. Not that we have bad weekends usually but it almost seemed like a cloud was cleared from his mind. He was able to focus on new interests and old ones so well. He seemed to have the ability to really enjoy everything he did rather than being so scattered and moving from one thing to the next so quickly.

The best part of the weekend was that he decided to write a letter to the King Of the Enchanted Forest (a character his step-daddy made up that takes toys when Griffin doesn’t clean them up when asked). The letter is below and it is brilliant and so neatly written. It literally makes me want to cry tears of joy.

I won’t be blogging as much about his medication unless things change from this point on. Thanks for all of your support and help throughout this crazy decision we had to make. I could not have done it without you guys. You know who you are!

Day 5 & 6 – Norton Knight of the Week

The last two days have been great and each day keeps getting better. Griffin has perfect or nearly perfect behavior and he isn’t showing many side effects anymore. The only difference I am noticing at home is his need for order and perfection that didn’t seem to exist before. Apparently he is doing this at school too.

Today he actually insisted on finishing some work that the teacher said they didn’t even have to complete. When she asked him if he wanted to move on to a new and easier activity he insisted on finishing the first task and actually finished all but two questions with perfect handwriting. When I picked him up he asked her if he could take it home and do the last two questions over the weekend. What!? We both told him it was not necessary.

I’m ok with his new found attention to detail as long as he doesn’t think he has to be perfect.

Also, he got Norton Knight of the week for his amazing behavior and hard work this week. We even completed his AR reading goals and he earned gold for the nine weeks and a t-shirt for the year! Woot!

Day 4 – My Thirty-One Stand

Today was another successful day. Very proud to say the least. When we got home from school I told Griffin, over a cut-throat game of Go Fish, that mommy was going to start selling Thirty-One bags. Normally he would have continued to play and somewhat acknowledged my new venture but today was different.

He said, “So are you gonna sell them outside in a stand in the yard mommy?” I of course giggled and before I could attempt to explain what it was that I was going to do, he was in and out of his room with his white board and markers drawing a design for the stand he and Patrick were going to build me.

He went into so much detail and asked me so many questions. Is it going to be a pointed stand or a flat stand? Where will you store your money? How much will the bags be? What color will the stand be? Will the drawers in the register be opened or closed? I kid you not, this kid had every detail covered in my Thirty-One bag stand in our front yard. This NEVER would have been played out like this before medication. I was floored. I know that attention to detail and slight OCD are a side effect of this medication but today I truly saw how that manifests itself. It was so creative and just amazing to interact with him like this.

Is this the Griffin we haven’t had a chance to meet yet because of the ADHD? He’s always very creative with his toys and games but the fact that he created this entire scenario for something he typically has ZERO interest in just floored me! It was an incredible bonding experience for us. Just amazing! I have attached his drawing below. He said he’d do the painting and Patrick would build it. Precious.

Day 3 – Nice and Neat

Another day with 14 smiley faces! Wow! Not that I expect 14 every day but I am quite impressed.

Griffin mentioned that his teacher complimented him on how well he wrote his name on his work. Usually his handwriting is very sloppy because he does it so quickly. I guess he took this to heart because as soon as we got home he insisted on doing both pages of his weekly homework. Yep, you heard me, I said BOTH pages! Normally we do a page a day so it is more manageable for him each day and so I don’t go bananas. But today, he wanted to do both!

He told me he wanted to write his name “nice and neat” for his teacher. Normally it’s so sloppy and I don’t typically battle him to fix it. Today, not only did he write it on both sheets, usually it’s just one, he wrote his first AND last name BEAUTIFULLY!! And, his writing throughout the work was so neat!

Also, he sat down and did the work while I fed Liam. What? I didn’t have to sit with him the entire time to make sure he stayed on task? You heard it here people! He only asked for help on words he didn’t know or when he needed clarity on a question. This has never happened! My son did homework on his own and NEATLY!

It was so pleasant and needless to say I had tears in my eyes the whole time! Nice and neat…I will take it!

Day 2 – Where’s My Pill?

Griffin woke up today asking for his pill first thing! The morning went well like normal and he was excited to see if he could earn 14 happy faces now that he had this “magic” medicine.

He came home with 14 happy faces and comments like “best focus ever” and “great manners” from his teachers. His teacher even emailed me telling me she was so happy for him because he seemed so proud that he was able to focus. Griffin beamed with pride and so did mommy. I was almost in tears because I had never seen him so proud of himself. He told me that all of his teachers gave him many many compliments today.

That is great news but we have to tread carefully here. We don’t want Griffin thinking he isn’t good enough without his “magical” medicine. Todd and I are being pretty mindful and making sure he knows he is wonderful with or without a pill. The pill just helps him focus on his already existing gifts and talents!

The down side of day 2 reared it’s ugly head during dinner time. Nothing horrible, but I noticed that he was quite anxious. He was very hyper focused on a game he made up with his GI Joe figures. The creative aspect of his game is normal Griffin behavior but he seemed very anxious about organizing and naming all of his figures. He was going a mile a minute explaining it to me while he ate his dinner and if I tried to redirect him he didn’t want to move on to the next thing. He wanted to make a decision about where each figure would end up in his game and wouldn’t stop until we figured it out together.

This concerned me because he seemed so focused on the game that he couldn’t do anything else. I of course turned to google at this point where I read that some kids do have anxiety at first but that it typically subsides.

I also noticed today that he is more sensitive. When going over last week’s spelling test he said, “how did I miss that word” or “I can’t believe I missed that one”. Normally he brushes that off but not today. For the first time he was truly concerned that he had missed questions on a test. I explained that it is ok to miss questions and all we can do is learn from it and move on. He seemed to like that response but I was pretty shocked that he was disappointed in himself since he had never expressed that before. Again, tread carefully here because we definitely don’t want him thinking he needs to be perfect. That’s the pressure I put on myself growing up and that is no fun!

He has also been increasingly loving which I of course eat up but wonder why he is expressing his feelings more openly.

So now I lay here and am riddled with guilt once again. Not giving up and I do realize it sometimes takes several different medications to find the right one but I think I will be calling his doctor tomorrow to see if we wait this out for a couple of weeks or try a new one.

Thanks for reading and please share with others who might be going through the same thing.

ADHD Medication Day 1 – It’s All About The Smileys

Griffin just started his first, and hopefully last, ADHD medication (Vyvanse) today and a good friend of mine told me that I should journal about my observations and the process so here it goes!

Mixed feelings. That is where I stand on Day 1. The most overwhelming feeling is of course, guilt. Even though I know this is best for him it is still so hard not to wonder if medication will somehow change my amazingly bright and spirited baby in a way that isn’t good for him. I never thought we’d be here and if you had asked me if medication was an option a year ago I would have responded with an emphatic NO!

So here we are, and I feel huge amounts of guilt but I also feel a little ounce of hope. The hope comes from the amazing supportive friends and family that I have but most importantly it comes from Griffin. He is of course aware that he is now taking this pill. The adults in his life hope the pill will help him focus better, keep still when he needs to concentrate in school, and have the ability to control his verbal tics. For Griffin it is more simple than that.

While he was showering tonight he told me that the pill he is taking now will help him get 14 happy faces (that’s a perfect score) on his behavior chart at school. He usually comes home with 9 to 11 faces and his goal is 9 for a treasure each day. But to him this pill will help him get all 14 smileys. I of course explained to him that, pill or not, we think he is a great kid and the new pill will only help him focus on his goals a little better. I also explained that we’d still be using our chore chart and giving him stars and such. He interrupted and said, “mommy I want to do the stars forever” which led me into a funny conversation about him having his future wife give him stars for listening. If only he know that’s pretty much how marriage works right? Lol!

The point is, Griffin sees this as an opportunity and that gives me hope. He gives me hope and that helps with the guilt.

As for physical symptoms he did complain of tummy issues this morning but still ate like normal all day. One thing I noticed tonight is that he was way more cuddly with me than normal. He actually asked to hold my hand. I doubt this has anything to do with the medication but maybe it’s because we are openly discussing his ADHD and the medication with him? I’d like to think it makes him feel closer to me…

911

I was cuddled up with Griffin watching one of his favorite shows, American Idol, last week and was brought to tears. Usually the back stories of the contestants make me teary-eyed but this time it was my son that made me tear up during the show.

First, there was a back story about a teen whose mom left him and his dad and brother behind for another man. I watched as Griffin processed this story and out of reflex said, “I just don’t get how a mom can leave her kids behind”. Then Griffin chimes in with, “mommy I know you would never leave me”. That’s when the waterworks began because it was then that I realized that he knew how much I love him. I shower him with love all the time but you never really get to know if your child realizes just how much you love them. Now I know it is working!

I’m not sure if he saw a commercial about this or not but a few minutes later he says, “mommy, if you fell down I’d call 911 RIGHT AWAY”. Seems silly, but after thinking about this I realized he was trying to find a way to tell me how much he cared for me. In his little 6 year old mind, telling me he’d help me if I were hurt was his way of doing just that. And believe me it worked!

The lesson here is that love is simple. It’s not complicated like people think. Relationships are complicated but not love. If only we all thought about love the way our children do.

I Will Not Eat Griffin

You ever love something or someone so much you want to eat it or them? Well I do! My kids are so amazing to me that I often tell them I want to eat them or eat certain body parts like toes or feet or lips or whatever. I have been telling Griffin I want to eat him since the day he was born. He never protested until recently. The conversation goes like this:

Me: “I’m gonna eat you Griffin.”
Griffin: “No mommy, if you eat me I will be dead and would also come out in your poop.”
Me (not quite sure how to respond): “OK I don’t want that so I guess I won’t eat you today.”

Today one of his sentences was “I will not eit Griffin”. I guess he was concerned and felt the need to write a sentence that he’d want me to write since I once again threatened to eat his adorable toes as we left the gym tonight. Maybe he wants me to write “I will not eat Griffin” 100 times on the chalk board after school to make sure his message sinks in? By the way, I was proud that he spelled “eat” as “eit” because I think that’s a tough word and the way he spelled it was phonetically correct.

I will probably always want to eat him. Even when he’s a stinky teenager. Even when he’s being a pain in the butt. Why do we want to eat the people we love? Speaking of eating, tonight Griffin saw me pumping and asked to try some of my milk. He has asked to try and breastfeed when he sees Liam eating before. No I didn’t breastfeed my curious 6 year old. Instead I let him try a drop of my milk. He thought it was yummy! He’s so innocent and sweet. I could just eat him!

Brothers

Griffin wrote, “I like Liam” today. This is music to my ears. I already knew he liked him and I’m pretty positive he loves him as evidenced by how nurturing he is with him. There has been no jealousy expressed and Griffin is always so helpful with Liam when I need him.

I have yet to write about Liam because he is 4 months old and I am just now feeling human again after many sleepless nights and what seems like endless breastfeeding sessions. Eventually I’m positive Liam will be an inspiration to my blogs but for now he’s too young and Griffin offers me a plethora of hysterical and touching insights on a daily basis.

Back to how sweet Griffin is to Liam. He gives Liam bottles, pacifiers, hugs, Eskimo kisses, and even sings to him. He also tries to speak Liam’s baby language and they have precious conversations like the one on my Facebook page.

These things make me realize just how innocent Griffin still is. He is so young, even at 6 years of age, that he is able to identify with the needs of a baby like it is 2nd nature. I haven’t told him to do any of these things and I’m just in awe of his ability to open his heart to his brother. I know he will be annoyed in the future like most siblings are but for now I will enjoy this sweet stage with the both of them.

Play

At first I didn’t think day two of project “improve Griffin’s writing IQ” wasn’t as interesting as day one but as the day progressed I found out I was totally wrong.

Today he wrote, “I like to play.” Not as insightful as I wanted him to be at first but when you dive into that sentence with my amazingly creative son, you find that it means a whole lot more than it appears to mean. I didn’t choose to ask him to elaborate but instead I observed how he played the rest of the day.

First, he played with his GI Joe’s. He did the normal battle scene where some men survived and others did not. Nothing new here. Then, things got interesting as they always do with Griffin. He got the diaper box from Amazon from the recycle bin, cut a door into the side and started driving cars into it and setting up a little garage. He also had his GI Joe men going in and out of this new toy he had created.

I have always loved his creative play and been amazed at what he can turn into a toy. For instance, he recently got all of my q-tips out of the box and made them soldiers. He has also made swords out of paper and aluminum foil and set up battles between the two.

All of that being said, it made me realize that his simple, “I like to play” sentence isn’t all that simple. The act of playing is defined as engaging in activity for enjoyment or recreation. Griffin’s definition of play is more complex. It is creative, ingenuitive, and limitless. He plays hard and truly uses his brain to make up incredibly games that I can’t even begin to create. He loves playing so much that I have multiple pictures of him sleeping with his favorite toy of the day after a long day of learning and playing. Tonight, as you see, he fell asleep with a GI Joe character clutched in his hand. I’m so lucky to have this child!